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7 Steps to Find Your Inner Confucius

Confucius was China’s most famous teacher, philosopher, and political theorist, whose ideas have profoundly influenced the civilizations of China and other East Asian countries. Born on 551, Confucius, like many aspects of our lives, is something anyone could have more of, though some struggle to find them more than others. This article is guaranteed to find you your inner Confucius, so long as you follow it step by step.

Confucius
this could be you ^^

Disclaimer: Please do not take any of this seriously, everything listed is satirical.


Step 1: Meditation

Meditation can help improve one’s mindset and how they approach aspects of their lives. It is a simple and free method that would help one achieve their inner Confucius, along with providing additional physical and mental health benefits. By allocating even 5-10 minutes a day to meditation, one would be able to find inner peace and their own Confucius.

Step 2: Read About Confucius

To further understand one’s inner Confucius, they must first understand their outer Confucius- otherwise known as Confucius himself. To know more about his life and philosophies, reading is a cost effective, accessible way to learn more about the Chinese philosopher. The best text to start off with is The Analects, an ancient Chinese text traditionally believed to be compiled by Confucius' followers.

Step 3: Adopt Confucius' Philosophies

To further deepen your inner Confucius, naturally, you can not only deepen your understanding of Confucius’ philosophies, but make them your own as well. By living based of Confucius’ ideals, it is the most effective way to awaken that inner Confucius for its cost.

Step 4: Adopt Someone With Confucius' Philosophies

Some people are naturally unable to adopt Confucius’ philosophies, and that’s okay; there’s still options out there if you still desire to realize your inner Confucius. If you can’t naturally conceive your own inner Confucius, adopting someone that does have an inner Confucius will let you live vicariously through them, finding your own inner Confucius by finding someone that found theirs.

Step 5: Adopt Someone and Force Them to Adopt Confucius' Philosphies

Sometimes it might be hard to find someone who already has Confucius’ philosophies. As generations pass, the amount of people that bother to find their inner Confucius has statistically fallen, but that doesn’t mean you’re out of options. This method, commonly known as indoctrination, involves adopting someone (preferably a young, impressionable child), and forcing them to find their own inner Confucius, as you couldn’t find yours yourself.

Step 6: Adopt Confucius

As a worst case scenario, you always have the option to adopt Confucius himself. Methods such as necromancy, resurrection, or even finding Confucius’ reincarnation has proven to be suitable methods in the past.

Step 7: Become Confucius

Need I say m̷̛͕̤̔͛o̷̻̓ŕ̴̢̻̪e̵̢͉̍͆?

Ṣ̷̀t̵͙͠e̵̝͛p̷̰̾ ̴̬̊8̶̗̆:̵̟͊ ̶̢̉S̴̹̓t̴͙̕a̵̭͝n̸̼͝d̶̢́ ̴̣̆P̴͖̌ŕ̸̡o̴͖͝u̶̐ͅd̶͌͜

This never was about Confucius, adoption, or indoctrination. So long as you’re proud of yourself, what you do, and the people you surround yourself, you don’t need to awaken an ancient Chinese philosopher to find meaning in life. Stand proud, you’re strong.


Confucius Found

If you completed all the following steps, congrats! You have found your inner Confucius. Be proud of yourself for being able to evoke the ancient Chinese philosopher inside of you, and good luck to any trials and tribulations you will face in the future. With your new, wiser, awakened state, you should be able to tackle any problem with grace and humility.


If you still have not found your inner Confucius, something is wrong with you! These methods are completely foolproof, as evident with the the most recent awakened Confucius to the right.

Cat Turning Into Confucius